Random Quote Machine

In this example below you will see how to do a Random Quote Machine with some HTML / CSS and Javascript

This awesome code was written by 3, you can see more from this user in the personal repository.
You can find the original code on Codepen.io
Copyright 3 ©


  • HTML
  • CSS
  • JavaScript
<!DOCTYPE html>
<html lang="en" >

  <meta charset="UTF-8">
  <title>Random Quote Machine</title>
  <link rel='stylesheet prefetch' href='http://maxcdn.bootstrapcdn.com/font-awesome/4.3.0/css/font-awesome.min.css'>
<link rel='stylesheet prefetch' href='https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Gloria+Hallelujah|Griffy|Playfair+Displayrel="stylesheet"'>

      <link rel="stylesheet" href="css/style.css">



  <div class="container-fluid">
  <div class="quote-box">
    <div class="quote-text">
      <i  class="fa fa-quote-left">
           <span id="text"><output id='quote'>Humanity is overrated.</output> </span>
      <i class ="fa fa-quote-right"></i>
    <div class="quote-author">
      <span id="author"></span>
    <div class="buttons">
     <a class="button" id="tweetIt" title="TweetIt" href="#" >
        <i class="fa fa-twitter" ></i>
      <button class="button" id="newQuote">New quote</button>
  <script src='http://cdnjs.cloudflare.com/ajax/libs/jquery/2.1.3/jquery.min.js'></script>
<script src='http://cdnjs.cloudflare.com/ajax/libs/jqueryui/1.11.2/jquery-ui.min.js'></script>


    <script  src="js/index.js"></script>



/*Downloaded from https://www.codeseek.co/3/random-quote-machine-RprRoZ */
div {
  position: relative;

body {
  background: url("http://www.userlogos.org/files/backgrounds/ctach1991/Gray.jpg") center fixed;
  background-size: cover;
  height: auto;
  color: #000;
  font-family: 'Playfair Display', serif;
  font-weight: 400;

.quote-box {
  border-radius: 3px;
  position: relative;
  margin: 8% auto auto auto;
  width: 450px;
  padding: 40px 50px;
  display: table;
  background-color: #d1d3d6;
.quote-box .quote-text i {
  font-size: 1.0em;
  margin-right: 0.4em;
.quote-box .quote-text quoteText {
  text-align: center;
  width: 450px;
  height: auto;
  font-family: 'Gloria Hallelujah', cursive;
.quote-box p {
  font-size: 30px;
  padding-left: 300px;
.quote-box .buttons {
  width: 450px;
  margin: auto;
  display: block;
.quote-box .buttons .button {
  height: 38px;
  border: none;
  border-radius: 3px;
  color: #fff;
  background-color: #333;
  outline: none;
  font-size: 0.85em;
  padding: 8px 18px 6px 18px;
  margin-top: 30px;
  opacity: 1;
  cursor: pointer;
.quote-box .buttons .button:hover {
  opacity: 0.9;
.quote-box .buttons .button#tweetIt {
  float: left;
  padding: 0px;
  padding-top: 8px;
  text-align: center;
  font-size: 1.2em;
  margin-right: 5px;
  height: 30px;
  width: 40px;
.quote-box .buttons .button#newQuote {
  float: right;

/*Downloaded from https://www.codeseek.co/3/random-quote-machine-RprRoZ */
var currentQuote = '';

function setRandomQuote() {
	currentQuote = availableQuotes[Math.floor(Math.random() * availableQuotes.length)];

	$('#tweetIt').attr('href', 'https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?hashtags=HOUSE&text=' + '"' + currentQuote + '"').attr('target', '_blank');
$(function () {
	$('#newQuote').click(function () {
var availableQuotes = ["This is my office, I'm talking, there are people here who work for me, but not listening. Explain this to me.", "If I'm in a buttload of pain, I need a buttload of pills.", "I need more pills!", "What the hell does reasonable mean?", "You think that I'm not in pain, then don't give me anything. Keep me away from the aspirin. If I'm in a buttload of pain, I need a buttload of pills.", "Where's my prescription?", "A cop says, Boo, Wilson shuts down.", "Allegedly.", "But I hurt in an unreasonable way.", "It's never lupus.", "Or a moron for a mom. What can you do?", "It's people like this who killed Copernicus.", "They killed his spirit and nobody likes a showoff.", "There's no time... No time!", "Am I under oath?", "My testimony is that this child might die if you don't grant this motion right now.", "Won't be as good as the first opinion.", "Call Wilson's lawyer. He'll tell you exactly how and why you're screwed. This kid has no history of allergies.", "Bullies bully. They don't get a reaction, they lose interest.", "Now go do what I ask before I stick your heads in toilets.", "Now you're passively-aggressively spreading peanut butter. Big sign around your neck saying, Wilson doesn't have enough cash for the cafeteria.", "You're gonna confront me with everyone who's ever used narcotics. Damn, I have to get something to read.", "I get it, I get it. I need to change my nightclub act. Need more props.", "A magic sandwich.", "Just take a damn bite, okay, kid?", "I honestly figured I'd get a different judge today.", "This lawyering thing is easy.", "She a 15-year-old pharmacist? Or is it just some kid down the street who need $20 bucks for lip gloss and a couple of Tiger Beats?", "I don't need you to cover my ass! What I need is my Vicodin! Two pills every six hours like I'm on an allowance. She's given the cop leverage over medical decisions. What the hell, why don't we get a plumber in here, ask his opinion?", "It's a good thing you failed at becoming a mom cause you suck at it!", "She's six! She's cute, she can't have flesh-eating bacteria! It's just wrong! Let's cure her with sunshine and puppies! Cute kids die of terrible illnesses! Innocent doctors go to jail, and it's because cowards like you won't stand up and do what's required! You can sit around and moan about who's the bigger weakling. I'm gonna go do my job.", "Either you screwed me and you want absolution or you didn't and you want applause. Either way, not interested.", "This baby won me second place in the Clinic's weekly weirdest thing pulled out of an orifice contest. You do not want to know what came in first.  Rhymes with Fucchini.", "Let's cure her with sunshine and puppies!", "You don't like strong. You don't like assertive. You like needy. She's dying isn't she?", "She's scary. Why does scary need pathetic?", "People don't change. For example, I'm gonna keep repeating People don't change.", "And I call you Cutthroat Bitch, well, quod erat demonstrandum. And I speak in Latin because I don't try to hide what an ass I am.", "Hop on one foot and sing the iCarly theme song.", "This isn't just about sex. You like her personality. You like that she's conniving. You like that she has no regard for consequences. You like that she can humiliate someone if it serves... Oh my God, you're sleeping with me.", "Yes. The male always drives the female.", "Cross-species mating. If you like Darwin and the Galapagos.", "She's a cutthroat bitch. You cry over Dark Victory.", "So do Canadians... doesn't mean I want to date one. ", "Hey, that's my best friend's girl you're talking about.", "She's a needy version of me.", "For the same reason I believe that crack whores can have sex. For crack.", "I told you we needed you.", "I'll sacrifice a lab rat, I'll sacrifice a fly, I'll sacrifice $200 on a mudder at Monmouth Park. I don't sacrifice self. Shabbat shalom, Wilson.", "I need you to sleep with Wilson.", "You do it both ways right?", "The Ultrasound. do it standing up and lying down... What else would I mean?", "I've decided you could do a lot worse than female proxy for me.", "If you do change, can't it be the part of you that chases me down the halls trying to change me?", "That you've made one good dating choice. The fabric of the space-time continuum could unravel.", "Because saying Nice work, Chase, is far less effective if you're not here.", "In this temple, I am Dr. Yahweh.", "How's our mental Yental?", "You like that!", "Wait a second. This isn't just about the sex. You like her personality. You like that she's kniving. You like that she has no regard for consequences. You like that she can humiliate someone if it serves.", "Oh my God. You're sleeping with me!", "Stop that Jew!", "Religion is a symptom of irrational belief and groundless hope.", "But hey, there's more than one baby in the sea. World's full of teenage boys riding bareback.", "Treatment tends to be hit and miss once you're at the sweating blood stage.", "Just because you can't feel pleasure doesn't mean you don't want it.", "What we thought was either weirdness or maturity in the kid was just blandness.", "Everybody's happy until they unwrap the pretty present and find they got a wall clock in the shape of Africa.", "Judgments are never made in a vacuum.", "There's no unconditional love, only unconditional need. Don't make a child a victim of your biological clock.", "Sleeping Beauty has a jones for Snow White.", "They've explained the return policy, right? It's worse than video games.", "I'm sure she'll be thrilled to hand her crack baby off to a doctor.", "No, mother's perfectly healthy. She just had to give up the baby in order to continue her work on the human genome.", "What they don't confess to is almost always more interesting. This is a mistake.", "Nope.", "I need a genetic disease.", "Sorry. Daddy's perfectly healthy, but we want you to give him a kidney anyway because it'd be cool if he had three.", "Guy's bleeding out of his pores. What does that tell us? Other than that you don't want to play basketball against him and he's dying?", "Why the hell haven't you come to talk to me about Cuddy? I've been doing all sorts of insane stuff.", "Wow! Can you remove spleens with your mind too?", "I'm a humanitarian.", "Tell him to switch from tequila to bourbon. Worked for me.", "This is a mistake... You are a control-thinking narcissist, which is fine. Good even in some jobs. but you are not equipped to handle a real kid let alone a factory second.", "Mazel tov. And now it's time to tell her what she's going to be hearing the rest of her life. Mommy needs to go to work...", "Still not boring.", "What are you? My mom?", "You know, you're right. I don't think I can sleep alone tonight.", "You 'lost track of your speed'? I think that was Hitler's excuse. Lost track of the Jews. No one held him responsible.", "I need that phone call. I'm a doctor, and when someone tries to call you three time, it's code for Pick up the damn phone before someone dies.", "You'd be surprised.", "Is that your new stripper name?", "Bubbles is right.", "What person who is nothing like me are you saying that to?", "There's a lot of people here today. Including some from the Corps. And I noticed that every one of them, is either my father's rank, or higher. And that doesn't surprise me. Because if the test of a man is how he treats those he has power over... it was a test my father failed. This man you're eager to pay homage to, he was incapable of admitting any point of view but his own. He punished failure, he did not accept anything less than... He loved doing what he did, he saw his work as some kind of sacred calling, more important than any personal relationship. Maybe if he'd been a better father, I'd be a better son. But I am what I am because of him, for better or for worse.", "Well he's not going to miss it.", "No she didn't. Unless her pet name for you was Volvo.", "Come on, forget the keys. Call a locksmith. We'll go inside and play guess that smell with the truckers while we're waiting. Join me on the dark side.", "If you're coming back just because of the shine of my neediness, I'd be okay with that.", "I'm not deflecting because I'm avoiding something deep. I'm deflecting because I'm avoiding something shallow.", "Make it fast. I don't want to miss the anal cavity search. ", "Eulogy, derived from the Greek for good word. Now if she'd asked me to deliver a bastardogy, I'd be happy to.", "Let her vomit through the MRI, that's what nurses are for.", "Pins. Some people use them to tailor a shirt, others use them to kill a baby.", "Kutner, you're sort of Asian. Go get this Chinese translated.", "Father was a punctual man. Beholden to time. Two minutes late for dinner, you didn't eat. My mother would never disrespect him by starting the funeral late.", "He was my father. I have the right to avoid his funeral.", "We've got a patient who for no obvious reason is hallucinating. Since it's not obvious, I thought we'd go with subtle.", "Welcome to the end of the thought process.", "She's such a brave girl, I want to see how brave she is when you tell her she's gonna die.", "And you stay away from the patient.", "Oh well, you'd just get all warm and cuddly around the dying girl and insinuate yourself, end up in a custody battle.", "Union rules. I can't check out this guy's seeping gonorrhea this close to lunch.", "I'm taking a sick day.", "Everyone's a doctor suddenly.", "Just for a little while. I'll bring her right back.", "Is it still illegal to perform an autopsy on a living person?", "If it's Tuesday, I'm wasted.", "Just like Abraham did it.", "I'm gonna get a plastic surgeon, get the Twinkie back in the wrapper.", "If her DNA was off by one percentage point she'd be a dolphin.", "Cancer doesn't make you special.", "The tumor is Afghanistan, the clot is Buffalo. Does that need more explanation?", "Are you sure you're not a neurologist?", "She's a rock.", "Gruesome and low tech. Kiss me, I love it.", "Tell that to all the hookers who won't kiss me on the mouth.", "It's written down in my advanced health care directive, should I be incapacitated in any way you run the board, then Foreman. Chase, you're just not ready yet.", "These cancer kids, you can't put them all on a pedestal. It's basic statistics. Some of them have gotta be whiny little frady cats.", "Nobody wants to die. But you are going.", "If you're dying, suddenly everybody loves you.", "If he's not hitting that, why is she here?", "Infectious or environmental... all we have to do is check out parasites, viruses, bacteria, fungi, prions, radiation, toxins, chemicals, or it's Internet porn related. I'll check the Internet, you guys get the rest of the stuff.", "Sorry, that would make it harder to ignore you.", "Yes, it keeps me up at night. That and the Loch Ness Monster, global warming, evolution, other fictional concepts.", "It's got an ass. Technically, that makes it a who.", "It explains the marriage. Who the hell gets married at 20?", "You sprinted through three bad marriages, into an affair with a dying patient, now a naughty nurse? How many more failed relationships are we both going to have to deal with before you learn to love yourself? And I mean that in a literal way.", "You're lying to me. That's interesting.", "Fascinating. Have you considered a career as a memoirist?", "Sorry. Already met this month's quota of useless tests for stubborn idiots.", "Then, it was a dumb thing to say. Now, it's smart.", "We can spend all day arguing right and wrong. Give me the hundred bucks.", "We could spend all day arguing whether we bet or not. Give me the hundred bucks.", "Great job. Why don't you just shoot him in the head?", "They're dead. Yelling at you might prevent you from screwing up like this...", "Two options: biopsy or no biopsy. He chose the third: no treatment. How do you even do that?", "Decrease it! Drugs cloud people's judgment. Cold turkey the sucker.", "It's a pretty smart plan, Jerry, but I'm on to you. There's only one good reason to kill the biopsy.. you poisoned your wife and don't want the coppers to get wise.", "Oh, then you're just a moron.", "Good. Now let's hear it again, but now with a more environmental or infectious feeling.", "Oh, come on. This isn't because I was speeding. It's because I'm Latino.", "I'm a cripple who works in a hospital. You don't think I've got a valid prescription?", "Infectious or environmental... all we have to do is check out parasites, viruses, bacteria, fungi, prions, radiation, toxins, chemicals or it's internet porn related. I'll check the internet, you guys cover the rest of the stuff.", "Apes, if you believe the democrats.", "In what twisted universe does mastering Eddie Van Halen's two-handed arpeggio technique count as absolutely nothing?", "You test-drive a car before you buy it, you have sex before you get married. I can't hire a team based on a ten-minute interview. What if I don't like having sex with them?", "No need. I'm sure we can find a large rock somewhere.", "I've got some loose change here that says you don't.", "It takes a criminal mastermind to pull off a heist from an unlocked, unguarded room down the hall. What do you want?", "The Ugandans played fair. They didn't move the hostages on the Israelis.", "What is El Fuego Del Amor and why do you need 10 of them?", "Well, say adios.", "I don't negotiate with terrorists. I smoke them out of their hidey-holes.", "You kidnapped my guitar.", "Bring it on!", "Well, it's certainly not a dude.", "It's basically a list of her sexual encounters. Boys, girls, vibrating appliances.", "This one's homier, dibs on a cold pizza?", "Who are you going to believe: a classic toy or a woman who if she had any confidence in her ideas wouldn't feel the need to distract you with a water bra?", "There's a scent given off by wounded, feral cats.", "I know, just can't say, because you'll hit me. Let's discuss this in front of witnesses.", "Sometimes I am wrong. I have a gift for observation, for reading people and situations. But sometimes I am wrong. This will be the longest job interview of your life. I will test you in ways that you will often consider unfair, demeaning, and illegal. And you will often be right. Look to your left. Now look to your right. By the end of six weeks, one of you will be gone. As will 28 more of you. Wear a cup.", "If you're broke I can loan you a tiny bit of the money I owe you.", "Your eyes are lopsided. And by eyes I mean breasts.", "She's not gonna leave Mark in the middle of his rehab... too much guilt.", "Harsh toke, dude!", "Peeing on a stick is only 99% accurate. Get a real pregnancy test. You know, the one with the blood and the hormones and the rabbit. Oh, I'm sorry. It's still your limo. What do you say, Miss Daisy?", "Lame duck's done quacking.", "Who finished the animal crackers? If you finish something, don't just put back the empty box, throw it out!", "Sorry, chief. I never kiss and tell.", "Foreman, need your help here. You want to pull a bank job, would you go it alone? You gonna rob a house, sure, it's a one or two man crew. A bank, a lookout, getaway driver..", "Symptomatic of... lunch with Cuddy?", "Knowing is always better than not knowing.", "Right. HIV thing came in earlier. You're fine.", "It said confidential. I wanted to know.", "Comforting, isn't it?", "We're done. Get rid of her!", "Oh, yes... the power tastes so sweet! You just can't resist! You're like a diabetic at the ice cream counter, you want to say no, but you need that chocolatey goodness!", "Wuss!", "Your four weeks just expired. Your reign of terror is over. Mine has just begun. Now go stick a needle up her hoo hoo and find that cancer.", "Cameron, I love you.", "I know you're in there. I can hear you caring.", "What does the flailing look like?", "Ooh, snarky. Was he like this the whole time I was gone?", "Oh, aren't you adorable. I'm not sad, I'm complicated, chicks dig that. One day you'll understand.", "You're gonna want to paralyze her. Run tests on a flailer and somebody's gonna lose an eye.", "Wow. It's a big jump from infidelity is morally wrong to do her.", "Ultrasound her uterus this time. See if there's something growing in there that doesn't look adorable in a onesie.", "Cocaine with a PG rating.", "We give you so much and you give us so little.", "Mommy does everything for her family now days. Even takes their pills.", "I don't care what anybody says. I care what they do. Right now, Blackpoleon Blackaparte has got the nurses on red alert, I can't get into the patient's room. So come on, I'll draw the enemy fire, you outflank them, get in there, get the bone marrow sample.", "Well either she's very smart, or she has a severe fiber deficiency.", "Sorry, I missed that. Hearing's been off since the Ricky Martin concert. Some cholo kicked me in the head.", "Or... just thinking outside the box here, she has a vagina and trouble reading.", "Do you like Teeny Tiny Moe in the fifth?", "Actually, I expect you to act like what you are.. my employee, my subordinate, my bitch.", "Is anybody here a doctor?", "Nonexistent... otherwise, excellent.", "The world will never know.", "Okay, we have a neurological problem here.", "Oh, bite me!", "Eighth time's the charm!", "On the bright side, it still means I was right.", "Nice move, boss. Way to cover your ass.", "Work smart, not hard, that's my philosophy boss.", "What else turns you on? Drugs? Casual sex? Rough sex? Casual rough sex? I'm a doctor, I need to know.", "Chase killed that woman and Foreman's in charge?", "You probably shouldn't have sex for a while. On an evolutionary basis, I'd recommend forever.", "I can be a jerk to people I haven't slept with. I'm that good.", "Hm, we call him Dr. Idiot.", "Fever? Aches? Weakness? Loss of appetite? Been having any anal sex with I.V. drug users lately?", "Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.", "What the hell else would I mean by congo red?", "Drama queen.", "You do know that you can't really pierce me with your stares.", "I try to kill him, you're mad. I don't kill him, you're mad.", "Of course I can. Chase says we do it all the time!", "And I want to play a little game I like to call, Block My Spike, with Misty Mae.", "You either help him live, or you help him die! You can't have it both ways.", "What's gonna happen here is that someone's getting a buttload of morphine. I'm not exactly sure who at this point.", "Don't go towards the light... you'll fall and break your hip.", "I'm a cripple, remember? Accommodations must be made.", "Where're you going?", "And you're not intrigued as to how a perfectly healthy ten year old boy with no prior musical training gets into an accident on his way to school and can suddenly play the piano?", "The kid's a moron!", "You two shower together? Double negative. It's a yes.", "Do you like your life?", "You mean, cheapen everyone's attempt at a human moment by identifying the real calculation that go into it?", "Well, if you're considering grabbing my ass, don't start anything you can't finish.", "Phone would've woken you up just as much... but I can't see what you're wearing on the phone.", "I'll only take little tiny pieces.", "No, I'll keep going even if I killed him.", "This is going to be personal, isn't it?", "Did you come for my feelings? Because I left em in my other pants.", "Twenty seconds. Pretty good. The time it took you to go from hard-ass to human being.", "Sure, now that I'm not dying.", "One small feel for man, one giant ass for mankind.", "A little whorish to kiss and stab.", "I didn't want you to die without knowing the feeling. Actually no woman should die without knowing the feeling.", "What the hell were you before you got hit on the head?", "So is ass, bitch, I could probably rattle off 50 much more complicated and disgusting ones, but then your did would get pissed at me.", "Everyone's dying.", "If a meteor lands on my head tomorrow, it's all academic. I told them to leave me alone, but did they?", "You're right. He's dead. Let's go home.", "I can't leave because you have something interesting in that file.", "Can we get to the but part of this speech? ", "No you don't. You're just reacting to the perception of my death. Need to put things in order, feel guilt.", "See? I annoy you.", "Sorry, didn't mean to offend your specialty.", "Check the house and run a lung ventilation scan... the lungs are in the chest too, right?", "Course not... this isn't a veterinary hospital. ZING!", "Listen to me. Do you have any idea of what you'd have to look forward to if you stayed with me? Nine chances out of ten, we'd both wind up in a jail.", "I'm saying it cause it's true. Inside of us we both know that you belong with Victor.", "If you're not with... someone your age, you'll regret it. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon, and for the rest of your life.", "We'll always have Fresno. I'm no good at being noble, but it doesn't take much to see that the problems of three little people don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world. Someday you'll understand that. Now, now... Here's looking at you kid.", "Huh. Lot to discuss. China patterns...", "Right. Couldn't be that she finds me interesting, attractive. Has to be that she's insane.", "Is this about the carpet? Do you think I'll back off if you block all my fun?", "I'm having fun. I'm not having sex.", "Give her a break. She's not dangerous, she's... insightful. You can't stop our love!", "After that look, I'm feeling frisky. Looks like you're up.", "The frisky, it went away.", "It was a medical exam. I was listening to her heart. It went, Greg-House, Greg-House, Greg-House.", "You can't stop our love!", "Attica! Attica! Attica! Attica! Attica!", "Attica?", "Hello, girl whose name I don't remember but whose dad I treated so I don't really know why she's here.", "Exactly when did New Jersey run out of horny 17-year-old boys?", "For the love of God, can't somebody shut that kid up? Got people trying to work around here.", "You have pretty hair.", "Spoken like a true circle queen.", "My parents loved me unconditionally. Get out of here.", "You'll probably live. Damn.", "How right you are, Dr. Cuddy! We also don't pad our bills, swipe samples from the pharmacy, or fantasize about the teenage daughters of our patients, either.", "You're ugly when you're jealous.", "She's more perfect than I thought.", "I'm seeing Cuddy... Generally, without her clothes on. Use your imagination. Hope it's got a wide-angle lens.", "They didn't have a Death's ass cane in my size.", "Mabel? Up high!", "She said yes. I heard no. I didn't actually hear no. I just was sure that's what she meant. The way she tilted her head and half arched her eyebrow. Why do I even care what she meant? She said yes. That's all that matters. I'm screwing this up.", "If everyone were more selfish, the world would be a better place.", "This is screwing me up. Why is it not screwing you up?", "You've got a big ass.", "People who have not seen Cuddy naked should not throw stones.", "Have you ever seen Wild Kingdom? Those insects that rip their partners' heads off after copulating.", "Well, obviously outside counsel will have to review the crotchless undies clause.", "Does that mean she has to sleep with everyone?", "Nope. Current case is solved. Patient has long QT, we're gonna scare her into a cardiac arrest to confirm.", "Okay. No, we're not. See? Everything is under control.", "She's bleeding to death, out of her lung. I want to fill a quarter of it with foam. That'd stop the bleeding, all right. Thought it made more sense than diet and exercise. And if she doesn't have enough lung function left, you'll have killed her. The only alternative is slowly suturing the lung, hoping the bleeding stops in time and she doesn't die on her own. But we would walk away with clean hands. Except for all the blood.", "Cat got your legs?", "Fine. You do it. Tell her she's being an idiot for always choosing the safer course. She's sitting on her ample, if well-formed, bureaucratic ass while our patient's dying. We'll see who folds like an origami shrimp.", "This is going to be difficult. I know almost nothing about alien physiology.", "Lies are like children: they're hard work, but it's worth it because the future depends on them.", "It's a moose on a Jew.", "I remembered I'm not a Satanist. I'm a druid.", "I figured I could sow dissension and get a few ties and sweaters.", "Gifts allow us to demonstrate exactly how little we know about a person. And nothing pisses a person off more than being shoved into the wrong pigeonhole.", "You talk to your kid about sex so she'll think you're open about everything. Keeps her from asking questions about the things you don't wanna talk about.", "The notion of picking one time of year to be decent to other people is obscene because it's actually validating the notion of being miserable wretches the rest of the year.", "You wanna know every place your mom's thumb has been?", "Santa evidently. I worship him you know. Or is that Satan. I get them confused.", "Oh by the way, your mom called. Your dad's dead.", "Oh, don't ruin it. Don't pin this on Christ. He's got enough nails in him.", "Did you look in the box on my desk?", "Then you owe me half a lap dance.", "I'm saving my money for a Red Ryder BB gun.", "They're out there, doctors, lawyers postal workers some of them doing great some of them doing lousy. Are you going to base your whole life on who you got stuck in a room with?", "Okay... Either you suck at math, or you're gonna die in two seconds.", "You suck at math.", "He's eight years old and he swallowed something stuck to a fridge? Darwin says.. let him die!", "Oh, talk to me! Don't quote bumper-stickers!", "Make a note drug-seeking-behavior.", "No. Anal digital stimulation.", "I'm wearing a rumpled shirt and I forgot to brush my hair this week. You have Athlete's Foot in your nose. I'm ready to be judged.", "That's what people say, it's not true. Doing things changes things. Not doing things leaves things exactly as they were.", "You're making this a game for me. From which I can only conclude this isn't a game for you.", "Why? You think if I deal with enough people I'll find some humanity?", "Diagnosis. Prescription. You owe me 30.", "Wake up. It's not as bad as what happened to you, I don't think. I don't know what happened to you. But given how lousy you're responding, I assume it was worse than getting abused by your grandmother.", "My parents traveled a lot, and they'd leave me with her. She liked things the way she liked them. And she believed in discipline. She was right, I suppose, because I hardly ever screwed up when she was around. Too scared of being forced to sleep in the yard or take a bath in ice. Your turn.", "You gotta get me out of this. There's nothing to diagnose. There's nothing..", "I have seven morons who forgot their raincoats. It's all they asked for, so I didn't waste the lab's time, why?", "If you believe in eternity, then life is irrelevant. The same way a bug is irrelevant in comparison to the universe.", "Your actions here are all that matters.", "Yeah. Are you feeling comfortable? You feeling good right now? Feel warm inside?", "We are selfish based creatures crawling on this earth. But because we have brains we aspire to achieve something that is less than pure evil.", "Don't make me slap you.", "You think she cares? You think the husband cares? You think the children, she can now have because of me, are gonna care why I saved her?", "About yourself. About your own ego.", "You're the selfish bastard, not me. Which is why you took so much pleasure drawing out this little goodbye of yours for the last three weeks. It wasn't for me... It wasn't for anyone! It sure as hell didn't help anyone!", "Nice tries are worthless.", "Nothing I can do. He doesn't want more money, better working conditions. He doesn't want a better job. He wants to not be me.", "Foreman's not as easy as Cameron. But, of course, who is?", "You're fired.", "Because you've been here the longest, learned all you can, or you haven't learned anything at all. Either way, it's time for a change.", "He's not gone five minutes and the name-calling starts. What's on the PET scan?", "Yes, they are all irreplaceable.", "She has no pulse, but she's talking. Cough.", "Live hearts don't stop for no reason. Dead hearts don't start for no reason.", "It's impossible.", "Just cause it's not there now doesn't mean it's gone.", "How come God gets credit whenever something good happens?", "Hey, it's my first language, not yours. If she wants to outlive Castro, we need to fix her heart.", "In case no-one's filled you in, today's Monday, which means you've been dead for a day. That kind of symptom comes back, it can get serious.", "What do you expect me to do? Break down and apologize? Beg Chase to come back?", "Two of them quit. I fired the third.", "God only knows.", "It was a boring convention. I had to have somebody to drink with."];